My boss is away for 2 weeks and I am able to work from home and go in to work to pick up the mail. I am in heaven. I forgot what it was like to be at home without my darling husband lurking around the corner awaiting our next adventure of catchup to be ready for the week ahead. That's what we do. We try to stay ahead of life trying to make sure the house doesn't fall to pieces, the kids don't harvest mold in there rooms with old snack wrappers, oh and the dogs ohhhh the dogs and the hair they produce. I could go on about floors that need to be washed, dusting oh forget it. I'm RELAXING!!! There is a smell right now though I could do without and I'm afraid to go looking for it.....
I'm RELAXING....and I love it. I have missed this feeling to sit and type about nothing and just RELAX...
BUT then the phone rings as I'm typing this and...
lump on sons dad's groin area is growing and he doesn't know who to tell or what to do...STRESSSSSSS Lymphoma sucks.
I think I will go clean so I can try and forget that phone call. No wonder my eye is twitching....I work for son's dad's doctor and I need to deal with this. Must call cancer clinic and tell them. UGH Did I mention my boss is away for 2 weeks AKA son's dad's doctor.
Cleaning the house is blissful.....what is that smell now. I think I'll go find that.
BUT son's dad's lungs are OK.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Holidays...
are creeping up sooo fast. I find working doesn't allow much time to enjoy. I have to remind myself to stop and breath and soak it all in. I wish I could create the magic that time would allow me to do. So many ideas but I need time to stand still for a bit to allow it to happen. PEACE HEALTH & HAPPINESS are my wish for everyone. I feel surrounded by chaos. I will look hard for time to relax and breath. My heart is going to fast lately and it makes me feel so jittery which I think is part of the problem.
Stress is such a dangerous side effect of so many experiences for me. I wish I could turn my mind off for a bit and just think about enjoying the good that we have and the positive experiences in our little world. They are there. I will stop worrying about others and worry about myself for a little while. Concentrate on the positive and release the negative...rinse and repeat. A new mantra...of sorts.
Please god don't let there be anymore crazy stress at work today...perspective maybe perspective would help.
Stress is such a dangerous side effect of so many experiences for me. I wish I could turn my mind off for a bit and just think about enjoying the good that we have and the positive experiences in our little world. They are there. I will stop worrying about others and worry about myself for a little while. Concentrate on the positive and release the negative...rinse and repeat. A new mantra...of sorts.
Please god don't let there be anymore crazy stress at work today...perspective maybe perspective would help.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Lymphoma
My son's biological father is newly diagnosed with Lymphoma. It is found in 4 places and he just had a ct scan of his lungs to be sure it hasn't spread to them. No mother should have to tell a child that a parent has cancer. Society tells us that the C word means death eventually. Needless to say my 15 year old took a mental health day upon this news. There was never a good time to tell him.
I hope this journey has a happy ending. We are entering this with all the positive thoughts, prayers, and hope that any family can hold. A happy ending is needed.
I hope this journey has a happy ending. We are entering this with all the positive thoughts, prayers, and hope that any family can hold. A happy ending is needed.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
So many reasons to write and so little time....
Where to start...Well I have an amazing 15 year old son who is the boy who made me a mother. He is really great, funny, smart, and really witty. His good looks have been apparent ever since he was little and it feels like overnight he's turned into this gorgeous young man. Watching him battle the trials and adventures in life are difficult and empowering all at the same time. Raising him has been a great experience...preparing me to deal with his two sisters that follow him.
I also get a smack in the face reality check that says BEING A TEENAGER TODAY IS TOUGH!!
Having his sisters 4 years after him and then another 4.5 years after that has been trying on his patience. Dealing with our youngest who looks to him for guidance and entertainment when all he wants to do is hide from her. He has his own ideas of parenting and how he will be with his children one day. Of course my darling son will do everything with a much stricter and format and he will stick to his word....unlike his lenient parents with these girls...ha ha.
My darling son has a hell of a time finding his path in the learning world. The plethora of testing this boy has been through is outrageous beginning when he was in grade 2 and not finding any conclusion until he made his way to grade 10. He states that being tested all the time makes him feel separated from the class. This wild year in grade 10 has finally brought him to a diagnosis of a learning disorder. In order to be diagnosed with a learning disorder one needs to have a higher than normal intelligence in one or more testing areas and in his case an extreme low in another. For my boy it is computing written information and expressing in written form. He can verbally tell you all the right answers if he doesn't need to read to find them. For example if he watches a movie and verbally answers a series of questions he is above average. For years so many different professionals worked with him including two years of one on one homeschooling but within a very short period of time he would fall right back to where he was. Along the way it's been very confusing because he is so compliant and such a great willingness to cooperate. Great kid! Now from this point forward he will do his tests verbally and his assignments will be on audio. Even if it took years to accomplish these answers at least it is time for his college education. It will all be supported until he graduates college.
In the confusion of trying to find his way through his high school courses without the supports that are now in place....marijuana found it's way into his world. Sadly we learned after the fact that our darling son that spends almost no time away from us was finding a way to get high before class. My boy is very clear that being high helps him concentrate. He has asthma, it's not safe, the benefits do not outweigh the risks. So that fragile base of trust with our teenager has been broken to some extent. What an adventure we hoped we would never have to take yet. So we have it all out in the open and it is said by our boy that there is not anymore "activity of substance abuse any longer". He is under surveillance at school and we are very clear with the school that we will not tolerate further episodes. Dealing with the reason for his desire is were we want to work on so that we can help instead of rule the iron fist. I do believe he slipped through the cracks of the school system and was left to flounder too long with his learning disability. We have all made it very clear to our boy that he is of high intelligence and it's an alternate way of learning. FINALLY...answers. Pressure from teachers who thought our boy should try harder was unfair to him and them.
Theres more in store for my boy and unfortunately he's now dealing with a VERY sad situation...BEING A TEENAGER IS HARD...
I also get a smack in the face reality check that says BEING A TEENAGER TODAY IS TOUGH!!
Having his sisters 4 years after him and then another 4.5 years after that has been trying on his patience. Dealing with our youngest who looks to him for guidance and entertainment when all he wants to do is hide from her. He has his own ideas of parenting and how he will be with his children one day. Of course my darling son will do everything with a much stricter and format and he will stick to his word....unlike his lenient parents with these girls...ha ha.
My darling son has a hell of a time finding his path in the learning world. The plethora of testing this boy has been through is outrageous beginning when he was in grade 2 and not finding any conclusion until he made his way to grade 10. He states that being tested all the time makes him feel separated from the class. This wild year in grade 10 has finally brought him to a diagnosis of a learning disorder. In order to be diagnosed with a learning disorder one needs to have a higher than normal intelligence in one or more testing areas and in his case an extreme low in another. For my boy it is computing written information and expressing in written form. He can verbally tell you all the right answers if he doesn't need to read to find them. For example if he watches a movie and verbally answers a series of questions he is above average. For years so many different professionals worked with him including two years of one on one homeschooling but within a very short period of time he would fall right back to where he was. Along the way it's been very confusing because he is so compliant and such a great willingness to cooperate. Great kid! Now from this point forward he will do his tests verbally and his assignments will be on audio. Even if it took years to accomplish these answers at least it is time for his college education. It will all be supported until he graduates college.
In the confusion of trying to find his way through his high school courses without the supports that are now in place....marijuana found it's way into his world. Sadly we learned after the fact that our darling son that spends almost no time away from us was finding a way to get high before class. My boy is very clear that being high helps him concentrate. He has asthma, it's not safe, the benefits do not outweigh the risks. So that fragile base of trust with our teenager has been broken to some extent. What an adventure we hoped we would never have to take yet. So we have it all out in the open and it is said by our boy that there is not anymore "activity of substance abuse any longer". He is under surveillance at school and we are very clear with the school that we will not tolerate further episodes. Dealing with the reason for his desire is were we want to work on so that we can help instead of rule the iron fist. I do believe he slipped through the cracks of the school system and was left to flounder too long with his learning disability. We have all made it very clear to our boy that he is of high intelligence and it's an alternate way of learning. FINALLY...answers. Pressure from teachers who thought our boy should try harder was unfair to him and them.
Theres more in store for my boy and unfortunately he's now dealing with a VERY sad situation...BEING A TEENAGER IS HARD...
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